Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
