Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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