I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
