every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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