he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
