drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
