i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
