So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So many bounce houses so little time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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