Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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