At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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