i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
