Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize