My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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