He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
