Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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