Who wears a wallet chain?!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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