His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
