we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Terrible idea I love it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
