Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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