They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
