I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
