I will die if light touches me.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
