she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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