i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
