Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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