Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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