There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sext me about skeletons
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.