I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??