I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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