She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.