I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.