happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
