FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
