Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
