At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
