I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I die, sorry about rent.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
