I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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