Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
