why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
