oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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