Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
