I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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