Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
