haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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