margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
