the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
