At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
