in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
