He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
