I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
