Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Still dying that you shit outside
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
