My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
