I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dear god my vagina.
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