I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
