Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
