Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
