I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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