I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The cops high fived after they tackled you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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