i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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