the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
