bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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