i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
