Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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