Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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