I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
